Diaries of An Unrebelled Heart

Mental Health & Lifestyle Blog

In response to Bell Lets Talk Day I dedicate today’s piece to every individual suffering with their mental health.

Only By the Grace of God

I wake up dreading what you will bring.  Inside I feel empty.  My heart aches and the sadness is ever so present in the moment!  I try to smile and pretend it’s okay but I can’t keep the smile for long.  My mind races with thoughts I cannot stop; I want to stay in bed, fall asleep to never wake up again. I dream of the day I will no longer have to face you!  I hate what you take away from me so often!  It’s difficult to fake it, to pretend I am happy with the blessed life I’ve been given.  I want to be alone!  I will do anything not to pick up the phone, not to be in anyone’s presence.  You take away my loved ones!    In a split second waves of anxious thoughts and depression hit me like a freight train and there is nothing I can do to stop you.  You take over not only my mind but my body as well; my dislike of food gets louder and my body can’t keep up the fight.  It’s getting weaker by the day.  I don’t want to talk about it anymore, there is nothing left to say, there is nothing more to add.

NOT TODAY, by the grace of God, I decide!  You will not end this life!  This life is blessed with love and kindness.  I will accept Love and choose Love over all that you represent.  I will fight you until my very last breath.  I will keep that smile on my face and I will weather every thought with what is real and what is true.  Opposite action is my reaction.  Willingness is my power.  My strength comes from God.  I look up to Him for guidance and I choose to chase the endless possibilities to set you free!

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